July 5th, 2017

Here we are 5 days into the seventh month of the year, and I don’t really feel any different.  I mean I’m not quite sure what I was expecting to feel or anything of that nature, but I guess what I mean is that nothing has really changed and yet I still feel the same.

Its funny to me to sit back and think of the things that I used to allow people to say or do, and how the tables have turned, because I have more respect for myself than I have in seven years.. And its insane, a good insane, but insane none the less. I sat and watched the way a conversation unfolded in front of me, and I just giggled to myself because as I responded back, I realized that the reason it had occurred in the first place, was because I had allowed that kind of behavior before. Crazy how things change.

Here it is though, the month of my big move, and I am both equally nervous and excited!! I have the job, I have the school figured out that my son is going to go too, I have even found an apt, I just have to wait to hear back from them. It seems as though everything is falling into place, and I am just excited to start this next chapter of my life. As previously mentioned, the things I used to stand for just wont work for me this time around, and basically this is the attitude I have, “If you aren’t tryna help me, then get the fuck from around me cuz you’re in my way” I don’t need no un-necessary drama, or any extra crap that comes in the form of anything. Man, woman, animal, job, friendship, relationship, any kind of ship. Im NOT doing it. Sooo if you come around me with the intention to start crap, then Ima need you to get from ’round me, cuz that just aint gonna work for me homie… I have come too far and I know that I have a ways to go, but I am not going to sit back and let anyone stunt my growth or anything of that nature.

I know I said I got the job at the VA, but the one office is really persistent and wants me to run it, and I am honestly considering it. I am heavy on vibes, therefore when I go to LA, and I meet him if the vibe is right, Im going to take it! And honestly I can’t wait for the future that comes with that either. I switched my major from RN to Business Management, but the beauty of this degree is that when I am done, I will only have my biologies left, and my labs! Which means I will not only have my MBA, but I will also have my RN, and then go to my Bachelors for that, and then I will be unstoppable. I mean I told y’all before… my plan was to take over the world. And that’s just what I plan on doing. Take over the world! Since I can’t go out and do that tomorrow, I’ll settle for just doing it with the office at first, and then I will go from there!

I feel like things are fixing to change so much, but in such a good way! And I honestly cannot wait. I don’t think people really understand the immense need to change. The immense need to get out of your comfort zone. Happiness is an inside job, if you look to other people to fulfill you, you will always be empty. You cannot look to someone else to make you complete if you yourself are not complete alone. I think people get so wrapped up in their comfort zones, that they just stop caring about what truly makes them happy and that’s sad. I refuse to be that person, I am a complete human being BY MYSELF!!!! I don’t need a man, I might want one, if they act right but I definitely don’t need one. And I think that is the mistake that most women make, they give a man the keys to just hurt them, and destroy them. I have done that twice in my entire life and I will NEVER again do that. But then again like I said its just a different mind frame now. I could love you to freaking bits and pieces and miss someone daily but I bet once I get my mind made up that they are no good, Im done. And once I get there is usually when everyone wants to get some act right and come back. And its not because I am there comfort zone, but its because I pushed them to be better, do better or try something different. And these other women just “dont” hahahah I’ve heard that before, when I asked “dont what” the response was “just dont” they aren’t you. Well duh.. I knew that, and when I was busy bawling my eyes out tryna convince you of this, you wasn’t tryna have it, but as soon as I get my sassy pants on and say Im done and moving on and happy NOW you wanna act like you aint knew or you knew the whole time. Nope not today Satan!!!!

Well lemme get off my soap box cuz I can go on and on and on and on about this subject and round and round and it still isn’t gonna matter. Cuz people are comfortable, and until they realize that its comfort not love or happiness that keeps them locked in a cage, they won’t ever be able to free themselves. When you stop doing what people “think is right” and stop caring what people have to think of you, then you’ll be better, and have a better quality of life.

Good night all, from the bed of a soon to be LA woman. If you can’t find a good person BE a good person.

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