June 14th, 2017

Have you ever just wanted a day to be over? Not because its bad or anything, just because its long? Like your day at work was just LONG!!! Many that is definitely my day today, first off I was supposed to be in Vegas relaxing and recharging my batteries, but instead Im here! Soo since I don’t get paid to not work, I decided why not go get them extra shillings. I tell you what tho, if it could go wrong today it did. Every patient was something complicated instead of straight forward like the “problem” said… Not to mention that my day started out rushed, because I didnt remember that I had a mandatory work meeting, until my alarm went off 10 minutes before I had to be there…. Also my teeth are back to hurting so I couldnt eat solid food, and so I was hungry. I swear all Im doing is complaining right now, and I get it. But hell sometimes you ever just want to sit down scream at the top of your lungs? But you feel like whats the point no one is going to hear you anyways? You try to reach out to someone to save you from drowning but you realize there is no one there.

I dont know when I became “this” girl… I was the one who was fine being alone, I didn’t need anyone. Men came and went it didn’t matter, I never got attached too long, because I felt that I had been done dirty for so long that it didn’t matter. So the prey became the hunter, and I became good at it. Never letting them get too close, using them and letting them go. I coulda wrote a book on how the game was played, I still could. But somewhere along the lines I grew up a bit, and realized I couldn’t do that no more cuz I needed a connection. But please believe me in my day, I was ruthless, just straight didn’t care. It was a defense mechanism really, though no one who was in my wake felt that way.

So here I am, finding myself not quite broken, but definitely destructive. I was told “you’ll move on and be happy, the next man doesn’t know what he is in for with you” in an attempt to use reverse psychology on me to make me want to stay and feed into the bullshit and lies even longer, and I was quite proud of myself when I replied with, “you are very correct, one day I will be happy, and the next man will love every single inch and flaw of me, but not anytime soon, because any man that tries to love me now, I will destroy.” I am a freaking hurricane, no one wants to get close to someone who is working on themselves. And not just pretending, actually doing it. I have heard of “fake it til you make it” but some people go to the extreme. Either way, I am done! I can’t lie and say I don’t love that person still, as I do. But this time I LOVE ME MORE!!! I CHOOSE ME!! Because he never did and never will!

Sooo moving on, I was having a conversation today about how life isn’t about people anymore, its about things. People are selfish, and greedy, and jealous and conniving, and manipulative, and just down right mean and rude. When did life stop being about other people? Now its about things and what someone can do for you, if someone can’t do something for you, then you don’t want them around. You are always looking for the “next best thing” When did we lose our humanity? When did everything in life become a competition with our neighbor? When did the value of a human life decrease that a cell phone or computer or social media meant more? I want to make things about people again, I want to make people feel as if they are special, because they are. This is why I love healthcare so much, I LOVE helping people. I am genuinely good at it. I love talking to the little ladies, and hearing their stories, and I love the old men’s war stories. I love when they older generation look at my tattoos and shake their head, and tell me I would have been pretty without all those “holes” in my face. They make my job worth it, but people and corporations take that joy away. I want to know WHEN did it become so hard to be kind? To share a compliment with someone? To tell someone you like their dress, or their hair, or their shoes. That their presentation was really well. That you liked their approach to something? When did it become so hard to be a decent human being? People look at kids as carefree because guess what… they are.. Have you ANY idea how far a genuine compliment can go with a person? It can make someones day, or week, or even month. I mean come on, how hard is it, to get down off your high horse and let it be about someone else? Do you know why happy people don’t go around saying they are happy and posting it, and gloating? Or why confident men or women don’t go around posting “confident” blah blah, or anything of the sort. I’ll tell you why, its because it RADIATES OFF OF THEM!!! They walk into the room, or post a picture and it just screams happiness, or confidence, or beauty. It doesn’t need to be announced. I mean seriously think about it, have you ever seen happy people boast about their happiness? Or a confident sexy woman or man hashtag #confidence #nofilter #sexy #blahblahblah ?? No because they don’t have too. I can tell you from experience and with me getting my teeth fixed. All I have heard from people is how they can tell how my confidence boosted up, that when I walk in the room, my aura just screams happiness and confidence, and I don’t even have to open up my mouth, just smile. And they can tell that I am rocking the hell out of that, and I am confident in my own skin. It took forever, but funny how new teeth can change a persons perspective on themselves. Ok, off topic, but bottom line is when did we stop being decent human beings? When did we stop loving each other? You wonder why there is so much hate and segregation in the world, look at what we do to each other. We would rather walk by someone who needs help, than to inconvenience ourselves to take 5 minutes to help them. Sad really… but then when we are the ones who need the help, we expect everyone to drop everything and come to our rescue…. funny how that works huh?

So here I am begging you to be kind, pay a compliment to a random stranger and mean it. Tell someone you love, that you love them. Let someone who has been kind to you know how much it meant to you. Show kindness to someone. If you can’t find a good person, BE A GOOD PERSON… I can’t stress this enough. It is insane to me, how badly we treat each other. Everyones life matters, no one life is more important than another, and I find it sad that we live in a world where we place values on people’s life instead of bestowing kindness on everyone, especially the ones we feel don’t deserve it.

From the bed of a soon to be LA woman, I wish you happiness, love, luck and positive vibes. Take my challenge, be kind to 3 random strangers, pay them a compliment. Smile at everyone you see, EVEN if they don’t smile back. See how your life begins to truly change.


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