June 12th, 2017

The things that have been happening here lately are a bit insane. We were supposed to go to Las Vegas and we were supposed to leave yesterday, and the flight kept being delayed and then delayed and delayed some more, and then it got cancelled and pushed to today, and then todays flight got cancelled so I am thinking it was a sign that my son was NOT meant to go to Kentucky this year. Maybe it would have been a flight malfunction, or something. But either way here we are still in Medford. Getting ready for this move next month!!! Mannn it is rapidly approaching!!! I was nervous wondering if I made the right decision here recently, but as the time passes by and the closer we get to it, I believe that this is the right decision. And things are going to be big here in California! LA I hope you’re ready! I know some parts of LA are NOT ready, but if i based every aspect of my life off of that I would never do anything and that is quite frankly sad!!! It also doesn’t work for me. I can honestly say that things are going to be great. I am no longer being held prisoner, by my own thoughts or by other people.

Here lately I have realized that the things that people dislike about you, are the qualities that they see within themselves that they dont like. But can’t admit it. I swear I wish things were different, as in I wish people really evaluated themselves before they criticized others. It might make people think twice before they act. Or it might not, Im not sure, but all I know is that all the crap I have been thru, I don’t want to make someone feel as small as I have been made to feel. Whether that be by my own doing or not, I  dont believe that people should be made to feel like they are nothing. Even if someone is not anything to you, or you don’t know them, you are not better than anyone. I think somewhere along the lines people forgot that there is no order of humans, and no one is better than the other.

I have been sitting here playing this cat and mouse game, and it is coming to an end. I feel as though my kindness was mistaken for a weakness, and I find that frustrating. I find it irritating that I think things are coming to a head, and yet its just another game. But its ok, cuz Im definitely not the one to play those games with, evidence goes both ways. I am a hoarder, I keep things way longer than necessary. Relationships, people, and text messages. I mean you never know when you’ll need to recall important information within those messages. I especially hate when people twist what was said or done, saying things I never said. Doing things I didnt do. But its ok, I have come to the conclusion a long time ago, that I am not responsible for other peoples actions. I am only responsible for my OWN reactions. And all actions have consequences and things that are done in the dark eventually come to the light.

I just want to be over it all, its insane. As I sit here and watch Orange is the New Black, the newest season, I cant help but wonder how did people get to where they are now, how did they fall so far from who they were to get into a jail cell. Crazy to think the lengths that people go to, to procure that nothing messes with their sanity, or peace of mind.

Welp its time to go to bed now. As I have to try and wrap my brain around how delusional people really can get. How you can go from trying to spark up a bargain to being the victim again. Talk about a switch up, like giving me whiplash and shit. I guess some things are never meant to be understood.

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