June 10th, 2017

Man… Tonight. I’m tired. Not just physically. I’m mentally and emotionally tired. I am down right to my soul tired… I did however feel a big weight being lifted off me as I was able to talk things out with someone who I had ill feelings towards. But at the same token. I realize I was giving it up completely. The once love I thought I would have. Was nothing but a lie. To imagine you loved a lie so damn hard is crazy. To imagine the pain and suffering one person causes because of selfish reasons is crazy. So tonight. I’m tired. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of falling into a lie. I’m tired of pretending I don’t care when I do. I’m tired of being someone that I am not because of pain. I am tired of looking in the mirror and hating the person I’ve become. When I’ve fallen so far from who I used to be… You want real. ThatS it. I alienated my best friend And almost ruined our relationship. I hurt another woman beyond words because of my selfish wants and wanting to feel and be loved. And where did it get me y’all?! Alone. ThatS it. Nothing fancy. Nothing spectacular. Just alone. Time stands still for me. While every one else lives there lives around me without a second thought of me and whats going on…. Crazy huh? What’s crazier is I was the girl who was just fine on her own until he fucked it up and ruined that. And here I am. Back to being alone. And having to pick up my own pieces and put myself back together. Cuz who cares when you’ve brought this all on yourself right?! 

Vegas will be good. I’m looking forward to recharging the batteries and vegging out. Ignoring the world. And just trying to fix me again. Well start the healing process.. Crazy how these things happen. But oh well such is life.. Right?! You spend your whole life waiting for something big to happen and then instead of facing things head first you back down and cower when you’re hurt and watch time pass you by…  Crazy… 

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