April 29th, 2017

Today.. I am just numb. 

I am always wanting things and people that are lost causes. 

Missing people who dont deserve to be missed. 

Focusing energy and attention on things that are not important to me or my cause. 

I think people forget that we are all people. With beating hearts. Emotions. Feelings. Visions. Dreams. Hopes. Ambitions. And while one might not match the others that is ok. 

In a world filled with so much hate. Hate because someone is white. Hate because someone is black. Hate because someone is fat. Hate because someone wears makeup or doesn’t. Why add more? 

I know ima dreamer. Sometimes a hopeless one. Someone who believes that love really could heal the world and people. And people make fun of me for it. Say I’m immature. Say I’m unrealistic or fake. But the truth is. I try to see the good in everyone. And I believe in it so much so that I alwAys get the backlash when they prove to me there is none. And even when they do. I still stick around and look for that little glimmer that maybe it was just a fluke or bad day. Truth is. It gets old being stepped on. Yelled at. Belittled. Glared at. I try so hard to keep relationships. Ie friendships. Family. And romantic. That when I finally give up. I know I gave 110% and still that wasn’t enough to keep them happy so I can let go with sadness but no remorse. I’ve had to do that. I’ve gone from an all around daddies girl to not speaking to my father because it wasn’t good for my mental state. 

WHY?! I just want to know why is there so much anger and hate and rage in the world that everyone feels entitled to put it out there?!

Believing that everyone has some good. Redeemable quality is what keeps me afloat. In this ugly cruel world we live in otherwise. I’d be just like the rest of you.. Ugly for no reason. 

It’s grind time now tho folks. Gotta get my ducks in a row. Can’t be worried bout what other folks are or are not doing. Worrying bout my own grass to notice if yours is sprouting or brown. 

Positive vibes. Positive life. If you can’t find a good person. BE a good person. 

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