April 26th, 2017

Starting today I am getting rid of the dead weight. By that I mean ex’s that won’t leave me alone. Drama that comes from the ex’s not leaving me alone. Unwanted or unnecessary relationships. Fake relationships. People who just tolerate me and my existence. All of it. Its going away. The thing is. When you let people or circumstances exist in your life that are negative. You can’t be upset when bad things or just things you didn’t want to happen. Happen. Because you allowed it there. With the lying. And the hurt. And the pain. And the fakeness. So therefore you cannot be upset at the outcomes in your life that are happening because of YOUR choices. What you need to do is let it all go. Focus your life on positivity and love and light and see what stays. The thing is. I always hold onto something way longer than necessary. Relationships. Friendships. Family. All things that should be gone I hold onto. And it destroys a little piece of me. But what I have noticed is I never let it build a permanent foundation. I may be sad. And hurt. And angry. And torn. But I always let it go. And move forward daily with a smile. I laugh and giggle and act as if nothing is wrong. Because what else can you do?! Thats what you HAVE to do. Be fierce and brave and move on. I’ve had a lot of things going on in my head and I’ve realized that I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not to make others happy. At almost 32 (and still killing it Lol) this is who I am and what I know: I was born to be a mom. I am a nurterer at heart and a caring person. I love the gym but not enough to be considered a gym rat. I love the results. I love how I feel But it’s not what I want to dedicate my life too. I love to read but only sometimes. And the book has to be interesting something that catches my attention.  I don’t like doing my makeup daily. Some days. It just ISNT a priority. I probably only comb my hair about 3 times A month. If that. And when I do. Everyone always thinks I changed my hair style. Hahaha. I am chunky and my belly jiggles when I laugh and guess what. Thats ok. I have spent far too many years with people telling me how wrong my body was and how wrong I was and am for being overweight. Living with the stereotype that just cuz I’m overweight I must be dirty or small bad or something. But guess what I don’t. Never have except for after the gym. And never will. I don’t have high cholesterol. I’m not pre-diabetic. I don’t have high blood pressure. I don’t have any health concerns weight related. I’m just chunky. But I’m working on it. Its an up and down thing. I love food just like anyone else. And sometimes I wish I was a size 1 and could eat anything I wanted. But I just know that what I want for me. Isn’t what others want for me and Thats ok. Let’s see… What else. I’m a beautiful person. I’m not beautiful because people tell me or because I’m skinny and in shape. I’m beautiful because I SAY I am. I feel beautiful. in my own skin. which took a long time. believe me. When you live in a world that shames you for not being a certain body type and then you have people telling you fat isn’t beautiful you begin to wonder if you are. Hearing things like “oh but she has a cute face” becomes insulting. Like cool. Yes my face is cute. But I’m more than a face. I’m intellectual. Funny. Caring. Loving. Kind. Honest. Loyal. Respectful. Sarcastic. All of those things wrapped up in a 5’6 package with a flawed smile. Makes me beautiful. And I don’t need anyone’s validation or ok to feel that way. And I don’t care what others say about me and their opinion of me. Because that isn’t my reality. Thats yours. And the fact that you have such an opinion on me and my life says a lot about your reality. 

Moving on I love when my son is interested in things that interest me such as Greek mythology. He asks me all kinds of questions. Some I know the answer too and some I don’t. But I love it none the less… 

Well folks. It’s bedtime. And I can say I feel good. My heart is kind of heavy. But I feel good. So positive vibes. Positive life. And goodnight.  

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