April 14th, 2017

Life is funny isn’t it, one minute you’re on top of the world, and feeling amazing, the next reality comes crashing down around you. This is reality, I am always chasing something and I’m tired. The truth is you never know what is going on in someones life. And most don’t care. The funny thing is I try to believe that everyone has good in them, even when they have repeatedly shown me the evil in them. I constantly believe that there is some redeeming grace in them and believe the good in them, but some people don’t deserve any more chances. And Im all of out them to give. You know its funny how you let people in and they bleed you dry. Literally. I don’t understand how people can be so cruel. And maybe Im naive for having this expectation that people who “care” about you aren’t supposed to treat you like shit, nor are they supposed to disrespect or put you down. But I guess in that sense I’m like a little girl living in a fantasy world. Because that is in fact NOT the world. People are cruel. People are mean. People lie. People hurt you. And most cases its people who tell you they love you. Smile in your face but have nothing nice to say when you aren’t around. Wouldn’t defend your name. Like I said maybe I live in a fantasy world, one where people actually mean what they say. Have genuine feelings and emotions. Instead of empty promises, lie and disrespect. For that I will live in a fantasy world, one where people don’t hurt the people they claim to love. Simple as that.

I guess people think because I didn’t have a horrible childhood, my parents got divorced, and while my step-mom is the devil or at least related to him. I never went without, she was very verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. And since her I have dealt with some pretty evil people, utterly disrespectful people. Ones who think they know you. Ones who are verbally abusive. Bullies who don’t really think they are bullies. Its funny. But when you live with someone who is emotionally and verbally abusive, you know the signs. The sad part is many people dont think they are bullies even when they are. They don’t realize that there words cut, or they do and they don’t care which makes them an awful human being. You see it doesn’t matter how beautiful you are outside, when your inside is ugly. I would rather be “ugly” outside than have an ugly heart. Point, blank, period.

Well I hope everyone’s Friday is good, mine is a bit emotional. Gym sesh was great! Had a dinner with my little, watched some Grey’s and now Im watching 13 Reasons Why, which FYI is amazing. Also touches you if you’ve ever had someone attempt suicide even remotely close to you.

Good night. And remember if you cant FIND a nice person. BE a nice person.  I realize for some of you that might be asking too much.

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