April 7th, 2017

So here it is, the illustrious Friday, the day we wait for as we set our alarms Sunday night to prepare for our week again. What am I doing on mine, might you ask? Well I went to the gym, and then came home and am shacked up in my room listening to music and drinking wine. Thinking about change, how change is the only constant thing in life. There was once a time when I would fear change, if someone said “Wow you’ve changed” It would hit me to my core, like someone sitting on my chest, I couldn’t breathe trying to figure out and go over everything in my head of WHY they would say that? How could I possibly be different, no that’s not possible. I could never change, as I continue down this journey of self-awareness and finding myself, I realize that I relish in the idea that I am no longer the same person. The person I was a year ago was weak, and needy, and dependent. Hell even 2 months ago I was weak, but slowly each day, I find my voice. I find things that normally wouldn’t have bothered me, really get under my skin. I find that people who I used to be close to, I am just not anymore. And that is ok, as change is the only constant. There comes a time in your life where you realize that people who aren’t on the same wavelength as you, you have nothing in common with. You can still be there friend and love them, but from afar. When hanging out consists of nothing that is going to help you get where you need to be, than you wonder what you just spent your night doing. Let me tell you something this isn’t something I have perfected, this is something that I work on daily. They say in order to be truthful with others you must first be truthful with yourself, people often see things in you that you do not. You tend to point out the negative quicker than the positive that is just an automatic character flaw of every human being. You see a picture of your self and instead of seeing the beautiful things, like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, or that you look genuinely happy, it goes to, my smile is crooked, my eyes look too big, or my nose is this or that. We never truly see the simplistic beauty in finding the good first. With that being said, I am still working, changing, learning, growing. Some days are easier and better than others, and some days I struggle to find the motivation to even wake up and go to work. The fact of the matter is, it gets done.

Change, man… I think now if someone were to come up to me and say, “Man Katie you havent changed one bit”, I would be ridiculously offended. Like how dare you suggest that! And its funny because up until a few days ago I wouldnt have thought this, I thought change was bad in some aspects of life, but again it is the only constant nowadays. You go from talking to a person every day, several times a day, to one day waking up and realizing that you can’t spend the rest of your life on the phone and you change. You spend your life being friends with someone, and then you do something and they dont like it, and then all of the sudden you aren’t friends. Change. If you haven’t changed then you aren’t doing life right. And maybe you are one of those who think that I am doing it wrong. Who knows. All I know is that I am super proud of the woman that I am becoming. Strong willed, strong minded, strong period. I am a work in progress and have many more things to work on, but I am in love with the process. With that being said, you have to be ok with losing people and being alone. Because sometimes this pathway is lonely, you outgrow people. People you thought would be around forever. I mean truth is, its ok, to outgrow people. It is not however ok, to belittle or put down someones choices or decisions or lifestyle because it is someone you have outgrown. Believe me that is one I had to learn, I had to stop talking about someone just because they were no longer someone that I wanted to spend time with, because they were on a different wavelength. And the ones who say they have been this way soo long they aren’t gonna change, Ima need you to stop. It is ok to not like change, it is not however ok to just expect others to accept and be ok with how you are because “thats how you’ve been” not ok at all. Thats like someone being a complete dick or bitch and everyone around ignoring it saying, Oooh thats just Katie, no its not. Its not ok. If thats the case, everyone gets away with something because thats just so and so…

Something I have learned from lots of mental and emotional abuse is that people who dont understand you or what you do, belittle you and downgrade you because they dont understand. Or because it isnt the way they would do something. I have had tons of that happen, it wasnt done the way someone else would have done it therefore it must be wrong, because there couldnt possible be more than one way to do something. Its like people on parenting advice, Im sorry parenting, politics and religion are three subjects that should be avoided unless your argument skills are up to par. And by up to par, I mean you can do it peacefully and civil, without shouting, or getting angry when someone presents an idea that is not your own. Most people can’t do that, once an idea is presented that is not their own, they either reject it without any thought, or they get angry. So therefore again, religion, politics and parenting are subjects that should be avoided at all costs. 🙂

I could probably go on forever on these topics, but I will stop for now, as Im quite sure by now I have offended someone. I want people to know that when I write unless I am talking about past things or mention a name or say “my friend” I am not talking about anything that is specifically happening to me or a person close to me, People have gotten offended reading my blog, and all I am going to say is if the shoe fits and you are feeling some type of way, that is all in your head, cuz I am not pointing out anyone in particular. So its bedtime, here I go! Good night! Yes I am going to bed before 10pm on a Saturday! hahaha

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