March 12th, 2017

Welllllll helllllloooooo there!!! I know, I know, you missed me! Ha! Well there might be one or two people who are eager to read and find out what is next or going on in the world of Kate! Buuuuuuuut thats ok, sooo this weekend… yea.. It was a good one. Lemme tell you I really enjoy going to the gym Monday-Friday because then I have my weekends to myself, and if I dont work out then I dont have to feel bad for missing a day! Its genius I tell ya, pure genius!!! Soo this weekend, Friday I swear I was worse than an old lady cuz I was in bed by 9:45pm! hahahahaha Maybe 10pm, and then like some cruel, sick joke, my body had me wide eyed and bushy tailed at 7am! Like helllooo here we go, you slept in long enough. Stupid body, and then I did nothing! I mean almost nothing, we watched The Vampire Diaries, bawled my eyes out like a little girl, saddest thing ever really! And it was the season finale, there will be NO MORE episodes after this one. Even more depressing, then I did nothing! Then I went shopping, bought jeans TWO sizes smaller! I mean what more can a girl want?!?!?! Truthfully? There is no better feeling than when you are shopping and you can get clothes in a smaller size. It is quite literally the best feeling ever!!!! Then I came home, got myself ready and went out for a girls night, now I dont go out often, mainly because in this little rinky dink town the club here I could wear sweatpants and still get in, and everyone is gross, married and tries to hit on you still. Sooo we went out, had tons and tons of drinks, Mainly hennesey! Mmmmm yummy. And then danced my behind off, got bento, came home, and crashed! This is where it gets tricky…. hahahahahaha kidding, no tricks involved but a drunken Katie couldnt sleep for some reason.. So after broken sleep, and what seems like forever I woke up. Plus I think everyone and their mamas text me this morning, and my phone was ringing. INSANE!!!!

Anywho.. today is a new day, I have quite literally done nothing again, it was lovely, I have however I think mastered the selfie that involves getting your newly done nails in it, without looking obvious! Go me! I also finished my first week of school, with a 4.0 so far, my screen of my homework even said, ” Congrats for making it thru week one, give yourself a pat on the back” so I did. Went grocery shopping, so we can meal prep for the week, now that I have 2 jean sizes smaller, and 8 inches, I want more! So the gains are gonna be going up.. I went to my friend Shaniqua’s house, and made her dinner, fried chicken, homemade baked mac n cheese, a salad, and corn bread! Yes she was supposed to help but she did not lol Ill let her get away with it today since shes hurt. Dinner was bomb.com, and now here I am ready for bed, and writing this.

You know it amazes me how much someone will follow, comment, write, criticize, down talk, disrespect but never know the real behind them or why they are the way they are. You know the people I am talking about, the ones who hear something about you and them formulate a whole entire being that you are based off of one thing. I mean we are all guilty of it, but at the same time, have you ever sat back and thought about why someone is the way they are? I know when I was with my ex, I knew his baby moms was crazy cuz he lied, he lied to her, he lied to me, hell he prolly lies to everyone,but so I knew that was why she was still acting the way she did, but she never once sat and thought that maybe the same bullshit he was feeding her, he was feeding me also. Never once, instead it was all about how I deserved every bad fucked up thing that ever happened to me, that I was a fucked up person, desperate, thirsty, all of the above. If you can think of a word, she called me it, if you can think of a hurtful phrase or disrespectful thing she did it. At first it bugged me, and then I realized she didnt see me as a person, and nothing I did or said was going to change her mind, and she was set in her ways. The thing is karma has a funny way of coming back around, it doesnt matter how long it takes it always comes back, which is why I let it go. I let go of the pain, the hurt, the disrespect, the lies, the constant “competition” because guess what it took too much out of me to hold onto that hate and anger, and let me tell you, do you know how much better my life is. Once I forgave her and him, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, because holding onto hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Because no matter what you are thinking, or feeling or even experiencing, they keep living life, and even if they are worried about you or what you are doing, they are still living. And it was time for me to do that. So I forgave them, let it go. Its funny how people think you’re in competition with them when you never even entered the race, because you werent worried about it. There is no competition, and never was, because at the end of the day, no one can do what I do, no one gives the love I give, no one feels the way I do, NO ONE IS ME! Therefore competition is overrated and doesnt exist. Im sorry to burst anyones bubble who felt like they were competing with someone else, you arent. They are them, and you are you. Let that be enough, because the truth is, the way you view someone else is really the things that you lack in yourself. Which is funny if you think about it, what a cruel joke life decided to play on us for that one, you dislike a person because they are “too loud” but in all reality you dislike that quality about yourself, you dislike a person because they are “disrespectful” but in all reality that is the quality about yourself you dont like. Funny how that is, your perception of someone else, is really just a sick joke, about how you view your own self. Well played God and science, well played. I know some people will wonder why this topic is coming up, but the truth is, that relationship changed me, in more ways than one, some for the good and some for the worse. It made me realize people have too much power over people, and the way we fall in love with some people should be the way we are in love with ourselves. We should love ourselves so fiercly we would do anything to make us happy, and keep us. We should love ourselves with such intensity that it hurts. because at the end of the day, all you have is you. Even if you have a friend, ,a kid, family, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, essentially it is you. Know that you are enough.

Also if you are holding onto hate, anger, resentment, or anything like that. Let it go. Forgive them, and move on. Hating someone isnt going to make your life any better. Say it out loud enough times that you believe it, because I can guarantee that at first you are going to say it and then laugh, like hahahah no the fuck I dont. Rot in hell you evil evil satonic bitch. oh yes.. believe me … you’ll think it!!! Stop going to their page, stop comparing your life to theirs, cuz believe me… LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING!!! Someone can post and paint a picture for the world to see, and make it look like life is all gravy and happy and all of that, but in reality, there could be fights, no words being spoken and just hate and anger in the household, but those pictures just give it an illusion. Dont judge a book by its cover, even salt looks like sugar. You see the thing is, old flames will try to reignite, just to test you and see how far you have come, see if you are as strong as you claim. So be ready and be that strong. The biggest mistake people make is getting comfortable, therefore they are no longer there for the love or because they are happy but because they are comfortable……. Ohh Ive been with so and so for 6 years they know everything about me, I cant leave, so you try to convince yourself that you’re happy. When in reality, you cant stand the site of them, and you have began to feel hatred in your heart towards them, and then dont let one of them still feel the love while you are just being complacent, because that starts an even bigger problem. Kids are the worst when it comes to comfort, because then you convince yourself you HAVE to be there, because you cant be a good parent if you arent there with them 24/7, so you stay, and in all reality make it worse on the kid or kids because you are teaching them to settle, that if something comes along and its scary, and different and out of your comfort zone, its ok to settle. Because thats what you are doing! I refuse to be that person. I was with my sons father for 7 years, and I STILL left and took my son with me, because I wasnt happy, and we both knew it. It was just something we were used too. I mean after 7 years you feel like you’ll never find another person and be happy, but the reality of it, is this. And believe me it took a long time to realize this and be able to admit it, IF and I mean IF, him and I were TRULY meant to be together, we would, and it wouldnt have come with ENDLESS hours of arguing, going thru phones, calling names, and then at the end of the day just staying because of comfort. IF him and I were truly meant to be together, he would have asked me to marry him. And he didnt, he is not happily married and they got engaged a year after dating. THEY were meant to be. As much as people say oh men are indecisive, they really arent. Men know, a man knows whether or not he is going to spend his life with you, within the first 6 months, and if you have years upon years upon years of dating and he hasnt asked you, got you a promise ring or even MENTIONED marriage…you arent it.. and as much as it sucks you have to just accept it and let it go. Because at the end of the day, you KNOW.. and I mean really KNOW when its real. And if you were really HONEST with yourself, you would admit and realize you werent meant for each other, and as much as it hurts you weren’t happy either. you were comfy… COMFORT IS A BITCH….

Anywho… I feel as though I have rambled enough now, but the real is, you have to understand where I come from and that when I talk about things, it is because I have been thru them myself, I dont just give advice or talk about random shit, I know nothing about. Soooo from the bed of a VERY sleepy, wandering gypsy soul. I bid you a blessed evening, le go of hate, forgive but never forget. Good night!!!!

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