February 12th, 2017

Hahaha I swear my phone needs to figure it’s life out. Yesterday it wanted to be 2016 and today it’s changing it to 2018 I don’t think it knows what it wants to do. Oh well. I mean the year is already going by so fast that it doesn’t need to jump anymore!! I definitely don’t want to go back in time, so let’s keep pushing forward. 

Today…. I have a plethora of emotions and thoughts running thru my head. I don’t quite know where to begin to dechiper them or if I want too yet. Life is never just black and white, neither or relationships or friendships. There is alwAys some grey areas in the midst of them that make the lines blur or fuzz together… It almost makes you wish that everything was black and white. So what do you do when things get into that grey area? Do you sit down and build a home there? Or do you explore it and see what can be done about it? No matter what you do, you should never ask a question or go looking for an answer you aren’t ready to know the answer too. And I think that is the problem with the grey area, people unpack and live there. Instead of either backing out the way you came. Or pushing forward. You see with things being clear cut such as being black or white you don’t have to try and navigate thru the rest to try to figure things out. Your feelings. Someone else’s feelings. What you should do. Any of the above. Black and white doesn’t make you think like that, but alas life is never that simple. 
You feel as though it should come with an instruction manual, or a how to guide in certain situations. But it does not. Unfortunately the sick joke of life is that you don’t have one because there is always more than one answer or solution to the problem. Just as there are two sides to a coin, and just like there are two sides to a story, it is never clear cut and dry. Thanks God and universe, I didn’t know you had such a sense of humor.  Most people if lucky can roll with the punches and make it work, I like to think I’m one of them people. At work when others panic I tell em it’s gonna be ok, we”ll make it work. And generally it ends up fine. When it’s just me and two doctors and the surgery scheduler is freaking out and I tell her we got this. The day ended up running very smoothly, it’s insane what happens when you have a positive mind frame.  

The positivity almost negates the grey area making things black or white. Light or dark. Sad or happy. Love or hate. Its all in your thought process, it’s all in how you perceive things and life to be. Do You believe there to be good in everyone or do you believe everyone has a hidden agenda? Do you live in fear of letting people in or are you wide open ? There is ups and downs to both, and both think the other to be weak. The one who shares too much feels the one who doesnt to be closed and maybe afraid. While the one who is closed off thinks the one wide open to be careless silly and stupid. Its a vicious cycle one that tends to go on forever. Neither one is right. And neither one is wrong. They are just different. Everyone has an opinion, a thought, a phrase, a way of living and neither is right not wrong for doing things the way they have. We have got to learn to stop hating and rejecting things just because people do things differently than what we would have. So what if someone handles their pain by crying or eating or not talking or locking themselves in a room or turning it to anger. Not a single one of those is better than the next. Just as we are no one to tell someone that the pain they feel. The emotions they have. The thoughts they have. And their actions. Are wrong. We have no right to tell them how they handle things is wrong. Who are you to tell me that I mourned something too long. And who am I to tell you your problem pales in comparison to something else.  I’m no one when it comes to someone else’s life and telling them their emotions arent justified. There is it again. That grey area. The one with which you wander into blindly hoping you come out a better person or at least wiser. 

I said it last night and I’ll say it again. I will probably continue to say it for a long time. Love and compassion are two things people need to practice daily. If you can’t find a nice person Be a nice person. And if your thoughts aren’t nice, then you need to change things within you. Practice love and compassion daily. Find a stranger and pay them a compliment. Your friends hair looks nice. Tell them. Your child got a good grade praise them. Even if it’s what’s expected of them. Show them love and compassion. 

From a wandering gypsy soul I send out positive vibes only. Seek light not dark. Give love. Not hate. 

Goodnight ✌❤😘


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