January 31st, 2017

So here we are.. January 31st, ANNNNNNNND I’ve only missed one day!! And I made up for it the next day with a mash up!!! Yayyyyy!!! Hahahahahahaha, yes I am proud of that! Dont judge me! Now as I sit here looking at the keyboards and try to think of something to say and burp up Chipotle, mannn… I am at a loss almost. Or the words just wont come, Im not sure which it is. All I know is I am sitting here looking at this, nothing but white screen in front of me, and I just dont know. I have a bunch of emotions and thoughts all running thru my head, I feel happy, excited, ecstatic, sad, frustrated, confused, bewildered.

I was once asked: What are 5 strengths that I had?

I am compassionate, I have the ability to look past someones flaws and situations and put myself in their shoes. I have the ability to feel the pain they are going thru, and empathize with them. Offer them a listening ear, a hug, a hand to hold, or just talk about something to distract them.

I am intelligent, and no Im not being funny or trying to toot my own horn, but I am. While my short term memory is becoming shit, my long term memory is fantastic. I remember dates and numbers, and phrases, and what someone was wearing when they said something to me and how their facial expression was. I remember how people smell, and I can recall facts about everything. I have knowledge in sports, foods, cultures, religions, history, english, science, reading, books, people.

I am loving. I love hard, once you have my love there isnt anything I wouldnt do for you to help you. I would give the shirt off my back, and if you needed it and I only had $20 and I needed something, I would give it to you before I used it for myself. I am loyal to a flaw.

I am funny, I use comedy when things seem to be rough. I make people laugh, either with or at me. And by at me, I mean they tend to laugh at my laugh, not at me.

I am random, I do not follow a set guideline or set of rules. I go with the flow always at the seat of my pants, I will be talking about one thing and then automatically switch to another without warning. I will always keep you on your toes.

I am forgiving. Too often people will not forgive someone because the deed done is far too big to forgive them, but I am forgiving, I may not trust you again, but I can forgive you. We may never speak but I can forgive you. I forgive people who dont need to be forgiven and I forgive people who arent sorry, and see no wrong in their action. Honestly it isnt for them, its for me, because holding onto that much anger and hatred and resentment, is not good for me. It hinders me more than helps me. What is that saying? Holding onto anger or hatred is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy dies. I cannot do it.

With that tho, comes the flip side, being compassionate, forgiving and loving tends to get me walked all over, and often times by people I thought to be “closest” When I say I am loyal to a flaw, if you are my friend and I claim you or my family there isnt anything that you can do that is going to make my love waiver, and that comes with a price, because how long are you supposed to suppress your feelings and happiness and life to stay loyal to the cause? I finally had to cut off my step mom and that was only after 20 some odd years of emotional, mental and physical abuse. I am the same way with ex-boyfriends, while it may take me the longest time ever to get to the point where I am done. I do get there and once I am I am not coming back. Its insane though, how quickly people are to take advantage of your strengths, therefore turning them into weaknesses. Funny how that works isn’t it.

What are your strengths? Do you live up to them?

It is now my bedtime as the morning comes early and I am trying to get back on my routine, key word here being Trying!

Nighty Night! ❤

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