January 24th, 2017

Ok, folks I lied, today was SERIOUSLY a Monday, man. The emotions that have flooded and happened today are absolutely ridiculous. I didn’t know it was capable of feeling all of those at once. Sadness, anger, dismay, heartbreak, and utter down to my soul tired. Being a parent, man… for those of you who are parents, you understand how hard it is, to watch them go down a road and know that it isnt right but being unable to do anything about it. As a parent you feel it is your divine duty to soak up every SINGLE bit of heartbreak, hurt, anger, and bad doings that are done to your child. What makes it worse is when you know what is on the other side of that decision. And all you can do as a parent is sit back and watch them barrel full speed ahead towards everything you ADVISE them is bad for them. I guess thats the part of parenthood that people dont write about. The parts that hurt like hell. The parts where you would rather be 7 feet under than have them deal with what they are trying too. Those are the things people should tell you about before you have kids, not just the sweet parts. Like warning: while this might be the very best part of your whole entire existence, please be prepared for the sleepless nights, worrying about them non-stop, the fights that will break your heart, and the constant want to always absorb their every pain. Just saying, that is what the warning label should say. FYI to those who are pregnant or their kids are super young, just wait! It comes!

On another note, I am tired of working for people. Like I know everyone says it, but I am honestly tired of working for people. Everyday someone asks me how are you doing? And I say: Ohhh you know… living the dream. but the thing is.. Im living someone else’s dream. It was someones dream to make my place of employment, while yes I love helping and taking care of people, the politics that are involved in Health care anymore, has taken the actual art of “CARING” out of the equation. Like I dont understand, there is so many laws and “liabilities” people talk to people like they are stupid, when they actually in their head feel there is a problem. Who are we to diminish what they are feeling just because we dont feel like its justified?  Man as you can see here lately I am on a kick of how we treat others, and I am like appalled. I was talking to my friend the other day and I said if I keep talking about all the things I think are “wrong” with someone Im NO BETTER than anyone else. So I needed to stop. Thats the truth tho, who are we to speak on someone else, but then say damn we need to have compassion for everyone… Mercy and grace and compassion, they’re only words without action. I mean seriously, there was a girl at my job, who didnt know I was friends with someone outside of work, and she went up to her telling her alll about how she thought I was crazy and stupid.. (crazy yes) (stupid wayyyyy far from it) but when the girl says… Ohh you mean Katie? shes my person…. she stopped talking, and in that instance I felt that I was justified for ANYTHING I said about that girl. Like there was nothing wrong that could come out of my mouth, but thats a lie. Nothing she said made what I said ok. And thats the cold hard truth. Nothing anyone does to you requires your actions. Let me repeat that because I know there are people cussing me out in their heads reading this. NOTHING ANYONE DOES TO YOU REQUIRES YOUR ACTIONS! You cannot control anyones actions or words, all you can do is control how you react to them. And if you react then you are no better. Now if someone is putting you down than you have the right to say that isnt cool. But the problem is we often dont, we keep going and keep going. Lemme ask  you this one thing, after you have talked down to someone, pointed out their flaws, or went off on them… Did you feel better? Could you sit back and honestly be like… Wow I FEEL AMAZING?! If you can.. man Ima need you to turn around… take a left.. take a right… take another left… make a circle.. catch the bus and get as FAR away from me as possible, cuz I dont need people like you in my life.

Now that Im done with my rant, Ima go back to my thing, Im done working for someone, its time I chase my own dreams Not the dream that someone THINKS I should have. But MINE. The one that makes my soul and heart happy when I talk about it, the one where my face gets animated when I talk about it. The one where no one has to question what makes me happy. Like my son, even when I am talking about how he might not make it to 12, because he pushes all my buttons people can tell that he is the light of my life, and I would do anything for him. I want people to see that about my dream. Without going into too much detail, just know Ima make it, and I will still blog. But who knows maybe Ill wake up and be able to blog from Fiji instead of my living room. One day at a time, for now, Ill just be content with the fact that I am actually blogging daily. hahahahaha

I swear I need just a few more hours in a day, like between working, working out, blogging, spending time with my son, tryna read and sleep. I just need like 27 hours, and then maybe Ill be able to sleep 5-6 hours instead of 4-5 hours!!!! Yayyy! hahahaha

From one gypsy soul to another, it is ok to walk away from things that no longer make you better, either mentally, spiritually, or otherwise. You have the right to do that without any explanation.

 

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