January 11th, 2017

11 days in, and I am pretty sure that I am clinically insane. Not in a “your furniture looks nice from the front yard” insane, but a I have experienced pretty much EVERY emotion under the sun since the 1st of January. I have been sad, mad, happy, ecstatic, cried, laughed til I cried. I used to be ashamed to be “sensitive” I cried when things effected me, I felt emotions too deep. I loved a little too hard, and I was always the one who “cared” a little too much. I thought it was a sign of weakness. But it isnt, it is actually society that has become hard and so super judgmental that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. People who lack the ability to be empathetic are generally the ones who have something to say, they are judgmental, and they tend to put down. People reject the unfamiliar, isnt that the saying? Anywho, so on top of everything else that we have learned about me in the previous blogs, I am also emotional.. Yayyy for me! Im a broad spectrum of person, go me!!! Have you ever had someone you didnt like? I mean like truly? Everything about this person irritates you? Like its so bad that when they breathe wrong you’re like ugghh… look at them just breathing over there, or can you believe they walk like that? Yea I know you know what Im talking about! We have all had that one person who has done it to us, like no matter how hard you try, you just cant get past the fact that everything about them irritates your soul. Its a sad thing to say or do, but it happens to the best of us. We have all been there. Ive found that for those kinds of people all you can do is pray for them! Like truly and genuinely pray for them! As hard as it is, it only benefits you in the end to pray for them. As I have had to learn in the previously months, holding onto hate for people doesnt do you any good. Thats like trying to hurt someone by drinking the poison. I had someone do vile things, say rude, disrespectful, untrue, hurtful things, and they didnt know me. At all, they thought they had cuz they read a few things. But they didnt know ME!!! But its ok, I hated them back for a long time, mad that they had the nerve to talk about someone they knew nothing about, pissed off because they felt somehow justified in talking about me, and putting me down, so I started to put them down. Until I realized talking shit about them didnt make me feel any better. It actually made me feel wayy worse. So I stopped doing it, and started praying for her, for she clearly didnt know what she was doing. Or the devil was allowing her to live in such a cozy jail cell that she felt it was ok. So in that hard lesson where it happened not once, not twice and not even three times, but way more than that. I had to forgive them and move on.

Welp moving on from THAT subject, tonight at the gym, we went hard!!!! I am exhausted, but I had to eat and write! ha.. but I said I wasnt going to miss a day, so here I am! Not missing a day, but completely drained. I swear I was doing my best to get out of the battle ropes tonight at the gym, but noo, nooo, nooooo my dear friend was NOT having it. Sooo I did them, completely lost my breath, arms are sore, but I did them. haha Oh and a girl I work with who also goes to the same gym as me, told me my quads were amazing as she rubbed them hahaha. Her fiance looked at her weird, but hey… Ill take it! I work hard for them bad boys. lol… I can admit I have no upper body strength, but my legs… Man I got leg strength for days!!! Since I got the results of my MRI I try to go a bit easier on my legs because I can leg press 300lbs, but when I do that, I feel every bit of that 300lbs. I feel it shooting down the nerves in my legs, and toes and up my back and booty, and even in my shoulders. Soo I am sticking to lighter weights, so naturally with 2 legs it feels like NOTHING!!!! So I have gotten it down too doing one leg with 180lbs. Dont get me wrong it hurts, like crazy, but boy o boy do I feel the burn and it burns soo good!!! I swear… I said I didnt want to stay up too late doing my blog and here it is an hour later, I am still not done. This is annoying! Soooo Im sorry that today is just not as vocal as my normal ones, but Im mfka tide!!! Like for reals… Im sleepy!

So until tomorrow, where we can talk about quantum physics, and then debunk that theory. I am going to bed.

Toodles. ❤

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