January 10th, 2017

Mannnnnn…. all I gotta say is that Satans week better be rapidly approaching because I do NOT appreciate all of these emotions I got going on today. Im a flipping mess, I mean my day didnt start like that. Actually it started good: coffee, breakfast, made my lunch, got ready for work, ACTUALLY did my makeup, fixed my hair and went to work. Work was a cluster of awkward as I felt like I had to choose “mom” or “dad” between two of my pod mates. And then came lunch, which lets face it, lunch is the best part of ANY day. After lunch is where we start my downward spiral, as I have previously mentioned I am a Medical Assistant, and I no I dont do it for the money, it isnt just a “job” to me, I genuinely like to help people. It makes me happy I genuinely care about these people. Well I had a patient who needed help using the restroom, and unfortunately due to “liability” reasons I was unable to help her, and it broke my heart. How is it that I have all this training, I can administer CPR or use an AED machine to save someones life or help save it, but I cant help this sweet woman in the bathroom?? That was it, I broke down, while talking to my supervisor, why is it I couldnt do my “job” which is to provide excellent compassionate service to this patient. I was beyond upset, it took me the whole rest of the day to pull myself together. I am sensitive, I dont often let people at work see it, as they dont know me or my personal life so why would  I. But today, everyone knew how upset I was, because it was written all over my face, its not about faking “sympathy” but having actual genuine empathy for these patients, because like it or not, they ARE IN FACT PEOPLE. Real people, and sometimes some of them just want a conversation, I felt horrible. And she was just as sweet as pie, which of course made me feel even worse. Sadly alot of people are in the medical field because it technically will always thrive and grow, so there is no chance of no jobs. Not many actually have the nature or compassion to be a caregiver. They get annoyed or hate the way someone smells or cant stand listening to the little old lady who has no one left, and she just wanted someone to talk too. People make me sick, honestly. As a whole society you should be ashamed. We all should I have been guilty of wanting to leave a room, or aisle or something because someones hygiene was questionable, I have been guilty of rushing people off the phone, or rush out of a room because I was done listening, but today reminded me of why I do it.

While Im on a roll of my lack of faith in humanity, lets go ahead and roll respect into that as well, and how peoples LACK of respect is absolutely appalling. Where do people get off thinking that something is owed to them? Like me merely being able to breathe your air, is somehow reason enough for you to be a dick?! That is so annoying, “grown” people with their lack of respect is just too much. Like are your parents like this? Did they allow you to grow up like this? Orrrr is this just something you picked up along your life travels??  That irritates me, especially workplace disrespect, its annoying. We are all supposed to be “grown adults” man o man! Lemme just stop there, cuz I will continue on a tangent with that one, and wont stop!

Someone close to me is pregnant, and it is a beautiful thing. They confided in me that they arent sure if they are gonna be a good parent. And I had to tell them, that in all honesty you are never REALLY ready for kids, like you can plan and plan but once they come nothing prepares you for the amount of love that will fill you. You are not ever fully ready for the responsibility that comes with them either. All I could do was think back to was Mikai, and how I wasnt ready and we grew up together. I was 19 when I had him, and turned 20 a week later, and now here we are this year he’ll be 12 and Ill be 32!! Some days its a wonder that we both wake up on time and make it out the house in tact. And other days I just sit back and stare at this beautiful creature that God entrusted to me. I swear….

Anywho, now that I have had my major melt downs, and got to end my night speaking about holding toes and letting farts out! ha. I guess its all about balance huh? Having someone who can calm you down, ease the storm so to speak. Can you weather the storm? You say you love the way the storms blow, but when they come you close your window.

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