January 9th, 2017

So here it is, 9 days into the new year, annnnnnnd nope life hasnt changed drastically! I mean in case you were wondering, and Im pretty sure you were. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, so my current habits I am trying to form are the following: gym daily, less to no junk food (ie pringles, candy, chocolate) so basically the last legal form of cruel and unusual punishment. Oh and to write in my blog daily, so far I have been doing a good job for a whole 3 days! Ha!!! Im #WINNING! hahahahahaha Ok but for real though, I will be the first to tell you that I am inconsistent, some days I lack motivation, sometimes Im undisciplined, and if I go to the gym 4 or more days a week, I deserve a damn medal! Shooot dont try and tell me nothing that week, cuz I am UNTOUCHABLE!!! hahaha You think Im joking but Im OH SO SERIOUS! Funny thing is people will be like you are always in the gym, Im like no not really, it just so happens that you ALWAYS message me when I am there. Not my fault you’re just as inconsistent with me as I am with my workouts! Shoot. Who’s really wrong here? The answer is you.. hahaha kidding its both of us! I never want to portray to people like I am this super hardcore go getting fitness addict. When I go I feel amazing and then I wonder to myself why I dont go more often than that. Hey hey hey… Im a work in progress dont judge my life!!!

Ok so lets recap shall we? So far in 2017 if you dont know me, or even if you already know me, here is what you have learned: On day 9 I am a beautiful disaster, I am NOT a fitness addict, although I give it a good effort, if someone was to grade me, I would get like a B-, B, or C+, as of today that is!!! Gimme some time, it hasnt been 21 days dammit!!  I love to write, I love my son, annnd Im pretty damn random, I think my ADD kicks in something fierce while Im writing. I have been sitting here trying to write this for at least an hour and a half… le sigh… Im even off in a corner by myself!!! Im like a puppy, really its kind of sad, dont leave me alone, or Ima tear something up, you know pet me from time to time, tell me whos a pretty girl and feed me… Yep.. thats the life there! Ok, so now that, that part is over, we can move on, to more important things. Like these damn sore muscles I got going on right now, I mean like there are muscles that I didnt know EXISTED that hurt. Lawd!!! Forgive me, but my boobies arent even that big, and boy o boy do they hurt. I mean its like some cruel sick joke, seriously, I had a patient in her late 30’s/early 40’s tell me she is getting sad that menopause is going to happen early for her… I said ohh that must be nice, Im still waiting for puberty to hit so I can stop looking like a little boy at 31. I mean one day my boobs will come in…. Right? whatever. dont judge me! Until they decide to grow, Ill just wear a good bra that lifts the little ant hills I have, and call it a day! I swear if you cant laugh about things and joke about yourself, I dont know who can! I mean my patient and I laughed for a good like 5 minutes, but considering she came in crying Ill call that a win. Ok back to what I was saying before, dear sweet 6lb 7oz baby Jesus, I dont even know the names of these muscles, they shouldnt be allowed to hurt!! It should be like an unwritten rule, if you cant pronounce it or you dont know it, then it isnt allowed to hurt. I mean it sounds good to me! When you are sitting on the hard floor of your job because it feels better to be flat backed up against the wall while having your legs stretched out right in front of you, its crucial. But its cool, one day those muscles will, well they’ll still hurt but Ill at least know the name of the fuckers.

Soooooo the stupid slush decided to start falling again tonight, when I was leaving for the gym, I was like is this… is this slush? Like we’re slushy now? STUPID!!! Slush leads to slick ice. Meaning no one knows how to drive, and we almost bust our asses in the parking lot of our job, because apparently deicer or salt is not a thing to be used. Whatever! Like slushies are a beautiful thing, comes in tons of lovely flavors, and this is really ruining the experience for me. Im going to be driving one day and my son is gonna ask me for a slushy and Im gonna swerve to avoid absolutely nothing cuz Ima have PTSD flashbacks of this stupid slush!!! Ok so maybe it wont be that serious, but I mean I need people to take a preventative/ educational driving in snow class. And they should have to pass that with an acceptable score in order to be able to drive. Just a thought, maybe someone can pass it along to the DMV people, maybe you have a cousins, brothers, sisters, uncles, nephews friend of a friend who works there. Either way lets spread the word, sign a petition or some shit. As I say this my phone pops up with an alert “Expect Freezing Rain in Medford on Tuesday” Thank you Google, you Nazi!!!! Ughh.. does anyone else have an Android phone? If so do you have a problem with Google? She is a pushy bitch, when I plug my Aux cord into my phone in the car, if I put my phone down wrong she starts beeping and then says “if you just said something i did not hear it” I say no. Play music, so then it stops playing my Apple music, and starts my google play music, so then I go and stop that and go back to Apple Music, and then it pops up again, and its like she’ll beep, and then stop and then beep and then start talking and then stop then beep and im like dude if you dont stop!! And then as if to say she’s “won the argument” This stupid automatic google wench says “Im sorry if you just said something I did not hear it” !!!!!!!!! UGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s a Nazi, she has to be, thats my story and Im sticking to it.

My niece and I had this talk awhile back, while listening to music, but if you think about it, its real. Have you ever heard a song, and thought, Man this is the soundtrack to my life? lol Well I have, actually there is about 3 songs: Beck “Morning” Buxton “Half a Native” and Bon Ivers “Roslyn” those three songs I could picture me in a car, just driving down the Pacific Highway, my head out of the window, arms up towards the sun, wind in my hair, finally feeling at home! Oh what a life that would be, Id be the happiest girl alive, I swear not a car in the world! Think about it, if you had to choose a song as the soundtrack of your life, what would it be and why? Today while rooming an older patient, she grabbed my arms and asked me what that “writing” on them was, and for those of you who dont know, my arms say “Have you done enough today, (right arm), To earn the right to live tomorrow(left arm)” She asked me why on earth would a kid my age want to get that done. So I had to dig back to why I initially got them, and here is why. People, young, old, middle aged, it doesnt matter but people period, have a tendency to take things for granted. Always thinking they have “tomorrow” Ill do it “tomorrow” they are spoiled in the life that they have, and they take it for granted. Today you could be a millionaire, and have 15 cars, tomorrow you could lose it all, you NEVER know, but so many people, MYSELF included, always procrastinate, always put off things for tomorrow. Ohh. I can read that tomorrow, I can talk to them tomorrow, Ohh I can spend time tomorrow, Oh I HAVE to be on my phone. I might miss something if it isnt in my hand 24/7 I myself am personally guilty of that one. Bottom line is we take life for granted, always thinking something is owed to us, instead of working for our tomorrow. So I put it there as a reminder to ask myself and make sure to push myself daily (which I have NOT) Have you done enough to day to earn the RIGHT to live tomorrow. Please dont think that I am some perfect person, who follows all of this, because believe me I DONT. I am just a girl who is trying to find herself again, and realizing along the way that my biggest issue is trying to please other people. I am trying to fill my days with more things so that way I can say I truly earned my right to live tomorrow, I am trying to lead by example, and be a better mother, friend, sister, aunt and daughter out of the process. You will never be able to please everyone, at the end of the day if you are positive, you did your best, and you were a genuine person to yourself, not what others think you should be or do. Then guess what, you did enough. Think about that the next time you are feeling “lazy” or unmotivated. If you had to “earn” your right to live tomorrow, how many of you would make it to tomorrow?

One last thing before I go… In the words of the great and late Tupac: I gotta stop treating people like I owe them something.

Nighty night ❤



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