January 6th, 2017

First off, Ima need this wordpress site to stop being in Eastern time zone as it makes it look like my blog is being posted a day late and a dollar short and that is NOT the case… Anywhoo… here we go…

Have you ever had a pain? Im not talking about a toe stubbing pain or even a paper cut? Im talking about that cant eat, cant sleep, hole in your chest, down to your bones, soul shattering pain? If you have you know how hard it is to come back from it, how hopeless it feels once you are there. How the slightest song, or even the weather can make you think of something. How on Monday you are good to go, but on Tuesday the wind blows to the west at a 50 degree angle, on latitude 45 and longitude 87 and there it is again, that hole in your chest, where your heart wants to both jump up in your throat but also drop down into your stomach simultaneously? When it rains, you think of them because those were the kinds of days you shared together, or certain songs and movies remind you of the “good times” that kind of pain changes a person. It makes you look at people and things differently, at that point you forget everything. All thoughts of reason go out the window, because you are thinking either one of two things ; the first is this you will either want to do everything in your power to hurt them and make them feel the pain you are feeling. Or you want desperately to let go and get over it. Because lets face it, hating someone is a lot easier than admitting they hurt you beyond repair and you dont have the first clue how you are going to get back to being even remotely what you used to be.

What do you do? Do you hurt them? Do you let go? Do you tell yourself it was fake? Do you convince yourself it never happened? Or do you try to find ways to forgive them and move on? The hard part is once you are damaged it is hard to get out of that state of mind, I mean almost beyond hard. You get in this mind-frame of, I dont need anyone and if I leave and hurt them before they hurt me than that is much better than me being hurt in the long run. Do I tell myself over and over it wasnt real, it never happened, Im going to wake up one day and it is going to be a bad dream, it really is. Or do you find a way to forgive them, pray for them, and hope that with each passing day, you feel a little less hurt. That with each passing day, a piece of your heart returns back to you, and you begin to feel whole again. As I said last night Pain is temporary, it may last a day, an hour, a week, a month or a year, but it will stop eventually.

The problem though is when it is done, how do you go back to the person you were beforehand? How do you reclaim the life you had before? The answer is you dont. You take the lessons that pain as taught you and you let it help mold you into who you are today. And you continue to grow, and change and evolve. That is the key, never stop trying to better yourself. Having a goal is especially important when you are going thru things is even more important, as it helps to get you back on track and gives you a distraction. Take up yoga, go workout, read a book from start to finish, write a blog haha, do something. Just keep moving forward, as hard as it may be at times and even though you you want to give up. Dont do it, dont give in.

As I sit here and watch “The Prince of Egypt” after a nice dinner with everyone and an amazing bible study, I am enjoying and appreciating this glass of wine, while two grown women watch this cartoon. The cat had kittens about 3 months ago, and we had been keeping one waiting for someone to come and get it, and after that fell thru, we decided to keep it, so we now have the cast of “The Jungle Book” Mowgli the dog, Bagheera the kitten, Akeela the kitten, and Shere Khan the mama. And man o man is she the devil ahaha she attacks the dog for no reason, that is life as my dear buddy knows it, during her recovery she has become the crazy cat lady! The animal whisperer, so to speak, they definitely keep her busy and on her toes during the day.

Its the weekend folks!! Is anyone doing anything interesting? I can tell you I have a fun filled weekend that consists of going to the gym, and cleaning my room and car!! Whoot whoot, living the dream! I know, I know, you wish you were as cool as me! I get it, believe me. Sooooo we keep getting this stinking winter weather advisory for Southern Oregon, and all I know is that it needs to come and go and quickly because this bad weather is for the birds. I am tired of it only being 10 and 12 degrees, the wind chill is ridiculous!!!! Im ready to retire and bein Fiji on the beach in the sand under the sun!!! Ohhh hold please while I imagine this! *sigghhhh* ok so that short break was blissful! Now back to reality, and reality is, it is colder than a witches tit outside, like what the hell!!!! Who in the world thought that snow and ice was a good idea! Sheesh o petes!!!

Anywho, now that I have rambled and ranted, and all of the above. I am going to finish my movie and wine! Hope yall have a safe Friday night if youre deciding to do anything fun!



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